westboro baptist church – The Beezly Street Gazette

Westboro Baptist Church To Picket Thomas the Tank Engine

In response to a viral video showing cybergoths dancing to the theme tune of popular children’s animation ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’, The Westboro Baptist Church has released a statement to the press, in which they outline their plans to picket Thomas the Tank Engine.

The protest will take place in Yorkshire, at an official ‘Day Out With Thomas’ event.

Here is the statement in full:

“WBC TO PICKET FAG TRAIN DEVIL WORSHIPPERS

The WBC plan to picket fag whore leader of sodomite dancing orgy Thomas the Sin Engine at a ‘Day Out With Thomas’ event at Kirklees Light Railway in West Yorkshire.

God has witnessed the depraved orgy led by devil-worshipping turds in their satanic slut-suits. These hell-bound sodomites are beyond redemption, and we can’t wait for them to die screaming, abandoned by God. Where’s your fat controller now, fag-lords?

“The whoremonger Thomas will be lawfully picketed with signs reading a GOD HATES TRAINS, GOTHS SUCK BAT’S WILLIES and SODOMITE SHIT WEASELS.

“It is NOT OKAY to be a talking train with a catchy theme tune. We will picket the event, to inject a little truth and sanity into the irrational orgy of lies consuming this world. A world where darkly-dressed ‘Gothics’ (devil worshippers that hate God as much as He hates them) can perform lascivious, ungodly jigs to the music of a talking, fag-nazi train. AND IT GETS LOADS OF HITS ON YOUTUBE AND EVERYBODY LAUGHS. There will be plenty of time to laugh at this video in hell.”

‘STFU About Leonard Nimoy’s Funeral’ Says God

Dribblingly-mad mouth-pieces of Satan’s hairy backside the Wesboro Baptist Church, have announced plans to picket Leonard Nimoy’s funeral.

In an uncharacteristic break with protocol, the God Above All (not affiliated with any religion) has issued a statement telling them “STFU” for once in their ghastly, ungodly lives.

Notorious for picketing the funerals of fallen soldiers, hate crime victims and celebrities, and for harassing grieving relatives with offensive signs and chants, the small but extremely mouthy organisation have announced plans to picket the funeral of actor Leonard Nimoy.

It is highly unlikely that the church will even turn up, given a history of threatening to picket high-profile events and then chickening out because they will obviously get their heads kicked in, and nobody has time for that, not even homophobic Jesus. Nevertheless, God has issued a statement in Latin, which was burned into a rock in South America earlier today. It simply read:

“Re: Leonard Nimoy’s funeral. WBC, STFU,”

“He stands for everything we hate!”

Said a spokesperson for the church.

“Liking somebody that’s friends with gay people is an abomination! Being an inclusive-minded person that celebrates the joy in life is utterly disgusting! We hate the fag-enabling kindness this creature displayed in his everyday life, and God hates it too,”

“No I bloody well don’t,” said God, in a rare interview. “You’re talking absolute horse-crap as usual. You do know I’m only using you as a tool to bring people together in love instead of hatred don’t you? Most educated five year olds could have worked that one out by now. By all means carry on being loonies, you’re doing a great job. But go anywhere near that funeral, and you’ll have a case of boils so bad your mother won’t be able to look at you,”