Under new guidelines, every teenager taking part in the ‘Kylie Jenner Challenge’ – which involves applying suction to the lips to inflate them to Pete Burns proportions, is to be smacked on the legs on Saturday night, and set to bed at 7.30pm with no Wifi.
The government watchdog that monitors Internet trends and their effect on teenagers said:
“This is getting bloody silly now. We thought having the Internet would make teenagers smarter, but they’re all blowing their lips up to copy some daft American bint. We feel that a good old fashioned slap on the legs, and a night of doing homework with no Twitter will do them the world of good,”
The mass smacking and sending to bed will take place this Saturday at 7pm. Teenagers are already hastily deleting their pictures of their bruised faces and exploded lips, but the government warns:
“We’re sending a letter to your parents, so we suggest you stop being silly, get on with your homework and do a few extra chores around the house to apologise to your parents for making wazzocks of yourselves on the Internet. And wipe that bloody slap off, you’re a 16 year old schoolgirl, not a 60 year old strippergram,”
The Beezly Street Gazette 