Labour’s shadow Welfare and Pension’s minister has confirmed that jobseekers who are out of work for more than six months will receive a mandatory punch in the face on their birthday. The service is free, and was piloted with a voluntary birthday punch in the face scheme.
One jobseeker that took part in the voluntary scheme said:
“They told me they’d sanction my benefits if I didn’t turn up at half past one on my birthday. I was wearing a badge that said “Birthday Boy” on it. The woman behind the desk ripped it off my lapel, threw it out of the window and told me I didn’t deserve to wear badges. Then she asked me to sign a form telling me I would be punched in the face and confirming that it was my birthday. Somebody had written the wrong date down on a form, so that took four days to sort out. Then she put a boxing glove on and twatted me in the nose.”
“It is a very good initiative, and I really feel as though I am being helped back to work. Please don’t sanction my benefits, or I’ll have to eat my own feet or something,”
In a letter to Mr Cameron Miss Rees calls on the government to back the idea.
She writes:
“It’s not fucking rocket surgery. Just get a damned job. Be a bus driver or something. That’s what working class people do isn’t it? Drive busses and eat chicken McNuggets? Anyway, happy birthday you disgusting, smelly poor people. All 2 million of you,”
The Beezly Street Gazette 