‘Moths Are Shit’ Claims New Study

A new study claims that moths are ‘simply shit’ and wonders how they even lasted this long.

leopard moth

“They taste nice to predators, they can’t fight, and in terms of food, they’re basically a flying banana in a Missoni dress,”

Said a scientist working on the 40 million dollar study into moth behaviour.

“They’re the only animals in the world that mistakes a bathroom light bulb for the moon, and thinks ‘Whoo hoo, I’m going to head-butt the moon,’”

“Any animal whose main food group is old dinner jackets from the 1970’s should really be extinct by now,”

He added.

The mystery of why moths have survived for millions of years, when they’re clearly the equivalent of flying sushi for many predators, has remained a mystery despite the extensive study.

Some moths have elaborate and completely unconvincing disguises. The leopard moth for example, mimics the pattern of a leopard on its wings, and sits in trees pretending to be a leopard. The main problem with this disguise is that it is actually a moth, and looks and smells absolutely bugger-all like a leopard. Nevertheless, the species has survived for millions of years.

It is thought that predators might just simply piss themselves laughing and fall out of the tree, when they encounter a moth pretending to be a ferocious, predatory cat.

Another, more familiar moth defence mechanism involves having two huge, fake eyes imprinted on to the wings. When the moth flies away from danger, the big, staring eyes are designed to intimidate the predator.

As wide, staring eyes are the animal equivalent of “I’m ready to fuck over everyone in a ten mile radius and I’ve got big teeth, so bend over and kiss your ass goodbye,” it seems unfair for moths to employ them.

“In a predatory situation, this is like being in a bar fight and saying ‘STFU because here’s my Uzi,’ and then producing a water pistol, and quoting an amusing line from the sitcom ‘Friends’. In other words, it’s guaranteed to get you fucked up, unless you are a moth. We still don’t know how this works, and whether it’s anything to do with predators simply laughing themselves silly, while the moth flies off to find a flower or some rotting fruit to sit on,”

Said the scientist.

“All the evidence points to moths being really, really crap and incredibly lucky. We just don’t know what else to make of it,”