stupid – The Beezly Street Gazette

Gigantic Stupid Cockwombles Tag Themselves Safe In Nepal Earthquake

Earthquakes can be terrifying and horrible, particularly if they happen on your street. Fortunately some complete and total cockwombles have found a way to lighten the mood, for those of us that haven’t have to climb out of a pile of rubble today.

Darren Brick, a massive tool from Milton Keynes tagged himself and his girlfriend while they were in the pub.

“We’ve never been to Nepal. We don’t even know where it is. All this depressing stuff on Facebook is annoying and I thought it would be funny,”

He said, drinking his douchey drink with his moronic face.

An expert in Cockwomblery from Oxford university said:

“Unfortunately, some people are just born cockwombles. It’s like they’ve been dropped on their heads as infants and then forced to watch endless re-runs of ‘Big Brother’ until they literally can’t form a sensitive response to something without turning into a shit comedian. I would feel sorry for them, if I didn’t think they needed a nice, relaxing swim in a piranha tank,”

Teenaged Stupidity Reaches Record Levels

The brain-boggling stupidity of teenagers has reached record levels this year, a study has confirmed.

Teenagers, not known for being particularly sensible anyway, are now 30% more daft than they were in the 1990’s.

According to the study, today’s youngsters are 30% more likely to injure themselves just sitting down at a table, rather than in the more traditional ways such as skateboarding accidents, drunken falls and throwing things at each other.

Girls in particular, traditionally thought of as being slightly more sensible than teenaged boys, are starting to catch up with boys in terms of copying stupid people doing stupid things on the Internet.

“Whereas once you’d really worry about teenaged boys doing stupid things like punching each other in the face or running each other over with motorbikes, now you can’t even trust that a teenaged girl sitting on the computer in her bedroom isn’t going to literally blow her face up with vacuum suction, or poke herself in the eye with the end of a styling wand, trying to video herself doing her hair for Youtube. It’s a worrying trend, and one that shows no sign of slowing down,”

Fortunately, most teenagers grow out of doing stupid things, just because they’ve seen some other stupid idiot doing it. But experts worry that the bar for stupidity has been set so high, that we can expect even more ridiculous injuries over the next ten years.

“Nobody knows when this level of stupidity will peak. We could see teenagers trying to fly to the moon on the back of a massive firework, or performing their own ear modifications with their mum’s pinking shears. But don’t worry, they’ll grow out of it eventually,”