‘STFU About Leonard Nimoy’s Funeral’ Says God

Dribblingly-mad mouth-pieces of Satan’s hairy backside the Wesboro Baptist Church, have announced plans to picket Leonard Nimoy’s funeral.


In an uncharacteristic break with protocol, the God Above All (not affiliated with any religion) has issued a statement telling them “STFU” for once in their ghastly, ungodly lives.

Notorious for picketing the funerals of fallen soldiers, hate crime victims and celebrities, and for harassing grieving relatives with offensive signs and chants, the small but extremely mouthy organisation have announced plans to picket the funeral of actor Leonard Nimoy.

It is highly unlikely that the church will even turn up, given a history of threatening to picket high-profile events and then chickening out because they will obviously get their heads kicked in, and nobody has time for that, not even homophobic Jesus. Nevertheless, God has issued a statement in Latin, which was burned into a rock in South America earlier today. It simply read:

“Re: Leonard Nimoy’s funeral. WBC, STFU,”

“He stands for everything we hate!”

Said a spokesperson for the church.

“Liking somebody that’s friends with gay people is an abomination! Being an inclusive-minded person that celebrates the joy in life is utterly disgusting! We hate the fag-enabling kindness this creature displayed in his everyday life, and God hates it too,”

“No I bloody well don’t,” said God, in a rare interview. “You’re talking absolute horse-crap as usual. You do know I’m only using you as a tool to bring people together in love instead of hatred don’t you? Most educated five year olds could have worked that one out by now. By all means carry on being loonies, you’re doing a great job. But go anywhere near that funeral, and you’ll have a case of boils so bad your mother won’t be able to look at you,”

Spock Returns To Mother Ship

Beloved extra-terrestrial Captain Spock has been beamed up to the Mothership one last time, and taken home.


After saying his farewells to earthlings via Twitter, the stoic Vulcan saluted, and the corners of his mouth raised up slightly as he waved goodbye, before peacefully fading away in front of the eyes of fans.

Beginning his career on earth in 1964 as the science officer in the pilot that would become ‘Star Trek’ as we know it today, the native Vulcan carved a place in the hearts of TV and movie fans worldwide.

“It is logical for me to go home now,”

Spock is reported to have said before he began his journey. He now begins the epic trip, not to “Where no man has gone before,” but to “From whence no traveller has yet returned,”

Greatly missed by countless fans here on earth, well-wishers are mourning his departure, and wishing him an interesting journey.