According to a cabinet insider, Prime Minister David Cameron has a large collection of ‘Voodoo Dolls’ in a secret room at number 10 Downing Street.
The dolls were said to be crafted by Cameron himself, a well-known practitioner of the Black Arts and shape-shifting lizard.
The unnamed Cabinet member said:
“He’s got a big doll in the shape of the letters NHS. When he’s in a mood, he goes into the room, lights a black candle and jumps up and down on it. There’s a big Ouija Board inscribed in the blood of the innocent in the middle of the room, which he uses to talk to Margaret Thatcher,”
The source goes on to describe how Cameron leads a Satanic mass before every Cabinet meeting, where various ‘Voodoo dolls’ are tortured and thrown around.
“He picked up the Nigel Farage one and made it walk across the table saying “Look at me, I’m a big plonker, hahahaha!” and poured a pint of ale over its head. Then he punched the Jobseekers doll in the stomach and threw it in the bin, and ordered Ian Duncan-Smith to flush its head down the toilet later,”
It is estimated that there are around 100 occult dolls in David Cameron’s possession, embedded with pins, knives and other sharp objects. Some of the dolls have disappeared, and it is believed that they have been fed to a powerful demon named Atos.
“There are a few that he hasn’t got around to mangling yet,”
Said the source.
“But it’s only a matter of time,”
Photograph from the fabulous TV Tropes website.
The Beezly Street Gazette 