Rats Demand Compensation For Black Plague Slur

Rats are demanding compensation, after being falsely accused of spreading the bubonic plague.

rat bubonic plague

New evidence suggests it was gerbils that caused the 14th century outbreak, which killed 100 million people during the European outbreaks.

“We tried to tell you!” say the rats. “But you just screamed and shook a broom at us, and we had to go and live down the toilet and everything. It was most unfair.  We’ve been used in laboratory experiments, had cosmetics tested on us, and hunted down like well, vermin,”

Gerbils are thought to have hitched a ride with merchants and travellers on the Silk road, and made their way into Europe with their plague-ridden flea passengers.

The findings completely absolve the rat population of Europe, and the maligned rodents are demanding recompense for nearly a thousand years of being ‘untouchable’.

“We’ve watched as gerbils became beloved family pets, living in modern accommodation and running about on little plastic wheels, and drinking from little water bottles. Our conditions have barely changed since the 14th century.

“It is only right that we are all adopted immediately, and hand-fed peanuts through the bars of our plush, straw-lined cages,”

Squeaked a spokesrat on ‘The One Show’.

“We’re fed up of living down the dunny & scavenging from takeaway bins. You may think your gerbil is cute, but its ancestors killed millions of people, and it’s probably laughing at you right now. If you people have any sense of decency at all, you’ll flush your so-called cute and loveable gerbil down the bog and allow a respectable rat family to move in,”

It then went on to read a list of demands, such as modifying rattraps to only allow gerbils in, and outlawing phrases like “You dirty rat!”

“And…We want a cuddle!”

It added.