The company that produced ‘Sea Monkey’ products has finally admitted to lying about them wearing little crowns, and being a super-civilised species of undersea monkey.
The lurid Sea Monkey packaging and advertising was deemed grossly misleading by a court ruling yesterday. The judge recalled his own childhood during proceedings, noting that he too had been fooled into expecting a tank full of raspberry-pink, smiling, waving, slightly sexy humanoids with crowns on their heads, expecting to feel like the emperor of a tiny, mystical undersea kingdom for at least a week, instead of some watching some rubbish, sludge-coloured shrimps die over the course of 48 hours.
A statement issued by the manufacturers said:
“We have mis-led an entire generation of children, by leading them to believe that shrimps can somehow sit around smiling as if they’re on a Page 3 calendar. They are not monkeys, and monkeys can’t live under the sea. We just wanted to flog some crustacean eggs & got a bit carried away.
“We also say they are ‘time travellers’ on our official website, and this is also bollocks. They’re just hibernating. Otherwise bears would be time travellers as well, which they aren’t,”
The manufacturers did point out that they have addressed customer complaints that the creatures died almost immediately. They claim to have engineered a new hybrid of Sea Monkey, that is more hardy & can survive longer in captivity.
“They’re really cool. They ride around on tiny undersea motorbikes, and some of them can rap,”
The Beezly Street Gazette 