Sex could be phased out and replaced with Crossfit as early as 2020, according to experts.
A Crossfit instructor from Milton Keynes is backing the new legislation, which would see amorous couples performing three rounds of 50 squats, seven muscle-ups and ten hang power cleans, instead of banging each other like a Salvation Army drum.
“Experiencing a Zen-like, Nirvanic pain in your chest after three rounds of burpees and then lying on the floor sobbing in a puddle of a stranger’s sweat is actually better and more effective than sex,”
He explained, while juggling kettleballs with his feet and making a kale and salmon smoothie.
“It’s not about saying no to sex. It’s about saying yes to fitness,”
Experts have pointed out that having several bouts of vigorous sex on a Sunday afternoon, in no way prepares you for rescuing a theoretical grandmother from a hypothetical burning building, or helps you to disarm a rogue grizzly bear that is trying to hold up an off-license with a sawn-off shotgun, and has taken a photogenic small child as a hostage and possibly a snack.
The Beezly Street Gazette 