Mixed Race James Bond ‘To Soften Blow For Racists’

Hackney-born star Idris Elba has been tipped to play the smooth secret agent in the popular Bond franchise at some point in the future.

idris elba bond

But former Bond actor Roger Moore recently claimed that this would be “unrealistic” because he believes Bond ought to be “English-English”, despite the original character being Scottish. Moore, along with thousands of other moany old white guys believes that British born star Elba, that grew up in London, isn’t English enough.

Despite a moany, political-correctness-gone-mad, boo-hoo I’m-not-watching-it-then backlash to the rumour of Idris playing 007, quite unlike the backlash that occurred when Sean Connery played a Russian submarine captain with a Scottish accent, there were also plenty of Bond fans that rather liked the idea.

A leaked email from a studio executive has revealed plans to cast a mixed heritage actor in the next Bond film, to ease racist fans into the idea.

The reaction to the decision was divided, with some racist Bond fans feeling more reassured at the prospect of a half British, half Inuit Bond, or a 007 that maybe just has a black great-grandma. One described the idea as “political correctness just gone slightly eccentric, but I’m sure it will be fine once it’s had a nice sit down and a cup of tea” while others moaned “You wouldn’t have a white man playing Nelson Mandella, so this shouldn’t be allowed either,”

A studio head explained the unusual decision by saying:

“We’re dying to cast Idris as Bond, because he would be brilliant. Unfortunately, the world is full of idiots, and while they can accept people standing on top of helicopters and out-running explosions, a black James Bond just blows their tiny, weeny ickle minds. Probably half of them aren’t even Bond fans, and they’re just taking advantage of the opportunity to whinge about how they’re “not a racist but” on Twitter,”

A Bond expert explained the reaction to the idea of Idris Elba playing 007:

“When the books were first written, tiny sausages on sticks were the height of sophistication, and people thought smoking made you run faster. Bond was openly homophobic and Scottish, and successive incarnations of the character have seen him mature and change with every update. A lot of people are using the ‘But he’s white in the book so he should be white on the screen’ argument. But they are simply racist dicks, and would be happier if a little orange midget played Bond rather than Idris Elba, because they just don’t like black people,”

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