sabotage – The Beezly Street Gazette

Grant Shapps Denies Drawing ‘Comedy Breasts’ On George Osbourne’s Homework

Tory party chairman Grant Shapps has been accused of defacing rival’s homework with drawings of large pairs of jiggling, ‘comedy breasts’ and other graffiti.

Cabinet colleague George Osborne was shocked to discover a huge pair of lady’s breasts scrawled in red pen across a page containing the minutes of a meeting that had taken place earlier that day. There was also an offensive statement about George Osbourne’s mother, which the minister has denounced as “utterly untrue and deeply immature”.

Shapps has denied the accusations, claiming that they are part of a smear campaign, and that the MP probably drew the boobs himself and then forgot about it.

When it was pointed out that some of the offensive statements, such as “I smell of poo” and “Karl Turner 4 Katie Hopkins” appeared to be written in his handwriting, he dismissed this as a coincidence.

‘Evil’ Crufts Owner Caught Red Handed

A woman from Cleethorpes has been disqualified from Crufts, after an official overheard her trying to blackmail a Mastiff named Murphy into going for a poo during the show.

“She was showing the dog that video, where the black mongrel Libby takes a dump in the middle of the agility course and gets disqualified. She showed the video to the dog twice,”

Said the official, who has given a statement to the police.

The dog allegedly blackmailed by a jealous owner.

“Then the woman told the Mastiff that he was a good boy, and that good boys go poopy on show day, or they get sent to the pound. She told him that he wouldn’t be a good boy any more if he didn’t, and then she produced several rashers of bacon, and fed them through the bars of the cage, while chanting ‘Good boys go poopy, bad boys go to the pound,’ and promised more bacon after the dog had shat in front of judges and officials,”

The animal’s owner maintains that Murphy would never have agreed to the terms, and was simply wagging his tail because he loves bacon.