Due to ever increasing traffic numbers, the Highway to Hell is to be reclassified as an A-road, and repairs will be carried out over the next few years.
Work beginning in 2016 will widen the road, add several more lanes and repair the potholes caused by skateboards and hand-carts. A new service station is to be built, housing a Little Chef restaurant, and a branch of WH Smiths.
A new cycle lane will be added, and a free National Express coach service with a toilet that smells like fresh sick will make daily trips up and down the highway.
Those that wish to cross the River Styx in the traditional fashion instead of using the highway, will find the skeletal ferryman replaced by one of twenty seven coin-operated toll booths. An automated ferry, capable of carrying up to twenty souls, will carry passengers across the river of forgetfulness. Complimentary tea and biscuits will be available, but passengers will not be able to purchase alcohol while on board. The gift shop will be open from 7am until 6pm every day apart from Sunday.
The Beezly Street Gazette 