rationalwiki – The Beezly Street Gazette

“We’ve Got Enough Food Now Thanks’ Say GMO Protesters

The genetic modification of crops has been deemed unnecessary by the government following a report from people that don’t approve of white-coated witchcraft, and claims that everybody now has enough food.

A poster for the movie ‘Return Of The Killer Tomatoes’ – a bleak, dystopian GMO thriller.

“I’m a mother, and I’m happy with the organic selection on offer at my local supermarket,”

Said Linda Smug, an armchair nutritionist from London, who has an O Level in biology and runs an online forum for people that don’t like the idea of GMO food.

“I certainly don’t want to walk into Tesco and see tomatoes dancing around on legs, or bananas gasping for air on the floor, because they’ve been crossed with rainbow trout. We’ve got enough food now, and those companies are just being greedy,”

When it was pointed out that crops have been genetically modified by farmers for thousands of years, producing the oversized fruits and plump grains that we think of as normal today, Linda said:

“Harrumph! But would you eat a burger made from the offspring of a goat and a shark?”

And ran off crying.

Despite climate change playing havoc with ecosystems and crops in many countries, leading to mass starvation, illness and death of millions of people worldwide, protesters insist that GMO crops are part of a government plot to kill millions of people by feeding them food.

Martin Quinoa, who writes for health website Natural News said:

“It’s well known that Monsanto are in bed with Big Pharma, and that they want to wipe most of the population out. Mostly not us though, just people in other countries that can’t afford the latest Apple technology. Anyway, we’ve got more than enough food now, and we don’t want any new types. Everybody should just stop messing about with it,”

History Channel Attributes 4000 Year Old Cheese To Aliens

The oldest cheese in the world has been discovered in a tomb in China, and the History channel are keen to make a documentary about how it was put there by ancient aliens.

The cheese was found on the necks and chests of bronze aged mummies, having been preserved for 4000 years, along with the mummies and their outer casings by the dry desert air and salty soil.

History channel expert Giorgio A. Tsoukalos said:

“Ancient, ethnic peoples were not capable of complex tasks such as cheese-making, until the aliens showed them how to do it. Even then, they probably tried to make it by banging rocks together and shouting ‘Ugg!’

“Therefore we must open our minds to the possibility that these cheese crumbs were placed upon the mummies by aliens, or that aliens showed them how to make cheese from the milk of animals that the aliens showed them how to farm, when they became agricultural people instead of nomadic, which the aliens also showed them how to do,”

History expert Erich von Däniken is writing a book on the discovery, tentatively titled ‘Cheeses Of The Gods?’

“Obviously cheese making was invented by Europeans, and the ancient aliens kindly took the knowledge to ethnic groups around the world, as the primitive savages would never have had the sense to take the next logical step from farming to invent it themselves,”

Said Von Däniken in an interview with ‘Coast to Coast’.

‘Alien Nazi Cheeses Of The Gods’ premiers on the History Channel in September, and Von Däniken’s book “Cheeses of the Gods?” that explores how cheese making was brought to primitive, none-European cultures by alien overlords is scheduled for release in early spring.