punishment – The Beezly Street Gazette

Everyone Taking Part In #kyliejennerchallenge To Be Smacked And Sent To Bed

Under new guidelines, every teenager taking part in the ‘Kylie Jenner Challenge’ – which involves applying suction to the lips to inflate them to Pete Burns proportions, is to be smacked on the legs on Saturday night, and set to bed at 7.30pm with no Wifi.

The government watchdog that monitors Internet trends and their effect on teenagers said:

“This is getting bloody silly now. We thought having the Internet would make teenagers smarter, but they’re all blowing their lips up to copy some daft American bint. We feel that a good old fashioned slap on the legs, and a night of doing homework with no Twitter will do them the world of good,”

The mass smacking and sending to bed will take place this Saturday at 7pm. Teenagers are already hastily deleting their pictures of their bruised faces and exploded lips, but the government warns:

“We’re sending a letter to your parents, so we suggest you stop being silly, get on with your homework and do a few extra chores around the house to apologise to your parents for making wazzocks of yourselves on the Internet. And wipe that bloody slap off, you’re a 16 year old schoolgirl, not a 60 year old strippergram,”

Small Boy Dangled From Window As Punishment For Lateness

This shocking photo shows the third floor window that 6 year old Tex Texan junior, from Texas, was dangled from by one leg.

This bizarre and dangerous stunt is the punishment given to children that are as little as ONE MINUTE late.

Tearful Tex was held by the left leg and dangled from the four-storey window of the elementary school in Texas for exactly one minute – the amount of time he was late to class that morning. Classmates jeered and clapped as the dangling took place. An industrial crane is sometimes used to dangle children that skip school deliberately, but school authorities maintain that this is usually used on teenagers that listen to rap music and say naught things about God, and rarely on 6 year olds.

The boy’s grandmother posted a photo of the crying child, in the hope that the school would receive loads of moany emails about it.

The principal of the school has now met with the parents, and agreed to stop dangling children out of windows as punishment.

“This is not a punishment,”

The school insisted.

“Being dangled out of a window by one leg is an opportunity to reflect upon tardiness and missed work, and not intended to terrorise or humiliate pupils,”