price – The Beezly Street Gazette

Twats Tweeting Twattily About Apple Watch On Twitter

Twats worldwide have been Tweeting twattilly on Twitter about their new Apple watches.

“Look at me, I’ve got a black and gold one!”

Tweeted a twat in Australia, proudly showing of his twatty new wristwear to his twat friends.

Twats on twat-playground Instagram that pre-ordered the Apple watch have been taking twatty pictures of themselves unboxing the twatty new technology, designed especially for twats.

Twattily using loads of hashtags to alert as many Instagram users as possible that they’re a massive twat with the technology to prove it, many twats opted for the particularly twatty #nofilter hashtag to tag selfies of them wearing the watch. This is twat shorthand for ‘I like, don’t need a flattering filter to make me good looking’ thus proving that they are twats.

A twat in the UK posted a picture of his arm showing the watch, a ‘casually placed’ expensive laptop in the background and an Armani cufflink on his twatty purple shirt. Other users snapped their watch synching with their I-Phone, as if this would somehow compensate for them being a twat, and some twat of a footballer even got invited to the Apple store to be personally shown how to set up the twatty piece of arm equipment.

23 delusional twats in Sydney, Australia spent several hours of their twatty lives that they’re never going to get back, fruitlessly queuing outside the Apple store to buy one. Unfortunately for these wannabe twats, the true twats tweeting twattily about their pre-ordered Twat-watches are going to have the last laugh. Twattily, probably.

‘Buses Smell Of Shit Because We Hate Poor People’ Says Transport Secretary

The government have announced a new scheme to ensure that all busses stink of shitty pants by 2015.

“Buses are one of the government’s many, creative ways of saying “We hate poor people,” said the Secretary of State for Transport, Patrick McLoughlin.

“Outside of London particularly, we tend to think of them as a combination of cattle wagon, rag ‘n’ bone cart, and a sort of punishment for being elderly, disabled or poor,”

A spokesperson for Arriva buses issued a statement that said:

“This is an important initiative. Whether you’re a student, a nurse, a single mother, disabled pensioner or simply can’t afford a car, the last thing we want is for you to simply enjoy a safe and comfortable bus ride at the end of a long shift or on your way to the hospital for treatment. As well as hiking the price up every year, we plan to recruit people that smell of gin, vomit and piss, argue with the pixies in their head and attempt to lick other passengers in the face. They’ll be paid minimum wage, unless they’re on Jobseekers, in which case we’ll force them to do it for nothing, to sit at the back of the bus and shit their pants. We may even train them to whistle while they stink away, just to add to the general air of unease of an average bus rise, especially late at night.

“Bus drivers will also benefit from this inititative, as we feel they are often too friendly and cheery, and talk to the passengers too much. A shitty smell emanating from a dodgy-looking character sitting at the back of the bus is sure to nip any sense of good will towards passengers in the bud, before it develops into a full blown conversation about the weather, and begins the slippery slope towards an uneventful, efficient and even pleasant bus ride,”