Unpopular Royals To Be Buried In Car Parks

Less popular royals such as Princesses Beatrice and Eugenie and Prince Andrew, and possibly the ginger spare one if he dresses up as a Nazi again, are to be buried in car parks as part of their state funerals. The PR office for the Royal Family announced the adjustment this morning.

richard king

Following the public outpouring for the remains of controversial King Richard III, discovered in a car park in Leicester in 2012, the Queen has decreed that all members of the royal family that the public don’t really like very much, are to be laid to rest beneath a public parking facility, for a period of at least 500 years following their deaths.

It is believed that this unusual move and drastic change to tradition was made in accordance with media and PR expert’s advice on handling “more challenging” members of the Royal family.

The alleged child murderer and hunchback King Richard was unpopular with his own family, mainly because he kept bumping them off. He was described as “that poisonous hunchback’d toad,” by Shakespeare.

A top PR company that worked with the palace said:

“If he was around today, you would probably think of him as a horrible, power-mad, murderous psychopath. But in burying him for 500 years under a car park, albeit inadvertently, he’s been transformed into a mythical, romantic figure that everybody adores. Imagine if we could do the same thing with Beatrice and Eugenie,”

Possible sites for the burials have been put forward, including a pay and display near Lidl in Barnsley, West Yorkshire, and one near Bargain Booze in the center of Hanley.

UKIP Leaflets Feature Topless Katie Hopkins

UKIP has hired acidic TV rent-a-gob Katie Hopkins to help with a new PR campaign, designed to appeal to women.

The posters and leaflets featuring a smiling, braless Hopkins dressed in a cheeky, topless SS uniform-style dress, designed by scowling, spoon-headed, half-starved sartorial ghoul Victoria Beckham, will feature catchy slogans such as “Katie Backs Britain” and “Muslims Don’t Have Souls And They Should All Just Fuck Off Home,”

UKIP’s head of PR Matthew Richardson explained the unusual step in a press conference on Monday.

“Basically, we’ve tried everything and people still think we’re a bunch of nasty old bigots and a bit of a joke. So we’ve decided to play to our strengths, which means reaching out to the man and woman on the street. We can’t expect women to understand the same propaganda that we use on men, because it’s got numbers in it and stuff. But old Katie’s a good-looking gal and a bit of a laugh, and she speaks her mind. We’re very pleased to have her on board,”

Hopkins was unavailable for comment, as she was taking part in a Satanic, kitten-slaughtering ritual followed by a wife-swapping orgy with showbiz pals Richard and Judy Maidley.

Photo credit: www.huffingtonpost.co.uk