Obese Dashund Dennis Exerts Own Gravitational Pull

A 6 year old miniature Dashund named Dennis has been given a new lease of life, now that his body mass no longer attracts smaller obese dogs to orbit around him.

Dashund Dennis, pictured with his own moon in orbit around him.

Dashund Dennis, pictured with his own moon in orbit around him.

Dennis had been fed on junk food, and had grown so large that several smaller fat dogs were constantly rotating around his gigantic belly. As he slimmed down, the smaller chubby hounds were able to break free of his gravitational pull and lead a normal life.

“He used to go for a ‘walk’ on a trailer pulled by a tractor,”

Said his new owner.

“One day a really fat pug rose several inches from the ground and floated over to him like a ghost. Then it started to slowly rotate around his stomach like the moon does around the earth. Their leads got all tangled up, it was very embarrassing,”

More obese dogs followed, and soon Dennis was the epicentre of his own lardy dog universe.

“Dogs need to be able to run about and do gross dog things, like rolling in poo and chewing bin bags and collecting unhygienic objects like discarded underpants. He couldn’t do any of that when he was obese. He was like a sort of dog Buddha. But not a very happy one,”

Dog obesity is a growing problem and can cause health problems.

“I’d recommend you feed your dog on proper dog food, rather than pizzas and lard sandwiches. Dogs want attention, exercise & sticks, not their own laws of physics,”