People from the county of Yorkshire are to be targeted in a government initiative to speed up movement around the London Underground system.
“Have you ever seen somebody from Leeds stepping onto an escalator? It’s like they’ve walked into the moon for the first time,” said the designer of the scheme.
“They’re all like OMG the stairs are moving. I must be on a drug,”
The 3 year survey that pinpointed people from the Yorkshire area also indicated that elderly women from Dewsbury are particularly likely to cause public pile ups. One ‘danger zone’ highlighted was the area just outside the ticket gates.
“We’ve seen it time & time again. Stopping just in front of the gates and carefully putting her Oyster card away in a special little sodding pocket at the bottom of her handbag, because you can’t be too careful in London. Meanwhile she’s caused a ten passenger pile-up to the rear, blocked the ticket entrance, and the poor sod behind her big fat arse ends up grinding a pensioner,”
Checkpoints between Leeds & London are to be trialed next year. Passengers will be escorted to a training facility to learn how to stand on an escalator without offering other passengers pork scratchings, pretending to surf or blocking impatient London people with important London deadlines.
The Beezly Street Gazette 