new series – The Beezly Street Gazette

Chocolate Benedict Cumberbatch Renders Husbands Obsolete

Husbands are to be phased out and replaced with Benedict Cumberatches made out of chocolate, according to an official report.

Shoppers queued out of the doors at the Westgate shopping centre, and over three thousand chocolate husbands were pre-ordered. The woman pictured bought one for her daughter as well. She said:

“Well, they’re just a lot less hassle really aren’t they. And he’s very handsome. And he’s made of chocolate! I can’t wait to get him home & nibble him all over,”

The solid chocolate effigies of Benedict Cumberbatch are less noisy and smelly than real men, do not fart in bed and make ideal companions for busy women.

The divorcee that created the original chocolate Benedict Cumberbatch claims that they are eleven million times less irritating than real men when you’ve got PMS.

“Let’s face it. Most of us want to poke our husbands in the eye at least once a month. But imagine if your husband not only didn’t do or say anything stupid to upset you…But he was actually made out of melted Galaxy bars AND he looked like Benedict Cumberbatch. It’s so simple, I can’t believe nobody has thought of this before,”

New Game Of Thrones To Contain 50% More Tits

The new season of the popular HBO fantasy series ‘Game of Thrones’ is to contain up to 50% more actresses’ tits.

The writers of the show said:

“Although this is one of the best written shows out there at the moment, it can get a bit dark sometimes. We really felt it needed a couple of extra pairs of breasts jiggling about in each episode, a few more lesbians licking each other’s faces, and a couple more minges. We haven’t decided whose yet,”

The writing team on Game of Thrones are quick to point out that much of the nudity and sex featured in the show is integral to the plot.

“These are pertinent tits that help drive the story forward. Without the actresses’ tits, it would just be a load of really good looking people wandering about on the first day of Glastonbury. By increasing the titty-count on the show and putting more horny lesbian prostitutes in, we can add to the drama and suspense of the show as a whole,”