Starbucks have announced plans to open a new branch on top of the ancient Assyrian city, which IS began to demolish on Thursday.
The company has promised to incorporate elements of priceless ruins and artefacts, now flattened into smithereens by mad numpties in bulldozers, into its interior design and construction. There will be murals with winged statues on, and a special type of coffee drink called “The Nimrud” that will have a picture of a winged bull on it.
“And there will be coconut milk as well, for people that don’t like cow milk,”
Said a spokesperson for Starbucks.
Archaeologists and officials have expressed concern that Starbucks is already bloody everywhere, and that there is absolutely no need to build one on top of the ancient city of Nimrud, tragically attacked last week by religious loons.
“Too late, we’ve already built it,”
Said the spokesperson.
“We 3D printed it in concrete, and the foundations are already up. It’s got gargoyles on. It looks brilliant,”
“We 3D printed it in concrete, and the foundations are already up. It’s got gargoyles on. It looks brilliant,”
The Beezly Street Gazette 