Royal Baby Name Confirmed As ‘Chuck Norris’

A leaked memo from Kensington Palace suggests that the royal baby is to be named ‘Chuck Norris’.

royal baby

The memo suggests that Kate is not 100% on board with the name ‘Chuck Norris’, but that William wanted to name the princess after the acclaimed movie hard-man immediately.

“The first thing she did when I met her was whack me in the face with her tiny hand. Chuck Norris is a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu. And she didn’t want to come out. Chuck Norris wouldn’t stand for being born until he was ready to be born. I think it’s a cool name,”

The Prince is believed to have said. Kate appears to have wrinkled up her nose and shook her head at the suggestion. It has been tactfully suggested that the Duchess may have been under the influence of medication when she told the prince to ‘knob off’ and ‘you’re not calling my little girl Chuck Norris, that’s a stupid idea”.

The memo goes on to state that the Queen is also a Chuck Norris fan, and may be open to flexibility when it comes to the name of the princess, who is fourth in line to the throne.

Although the Queen does not officially name royal babies, it is believed that she tends to favour traditional names over more exotic choices. The princesses Beatrice and Eugenie were originally to be called Kathryn and Elizabeth, but Fergie changed her mind last minute and selected the most nouveou-riche names she could think of, just to annoy her.

Benadryl Cucumber In Shock Over Name Ban

In a bid to encourage creativity in adults, the Arts Council has implemented a media-wide ban on pronouncing the name of the popular actor and star of ‘Sherlock’, Cumberdick Benderbatch.


A spokesperson for the Arts Council said:

“Word games and riddles are shown to promote creativity and stimulate the brain. By forcing broadcasters and journalists to come up with alternatives for popular words and phrases, and making the public work out what they mean, we’re increasing the creativity of the nation by around 16%, with no need to take any dreadful pottery classes, or help fill the already overstuffed coffers of happy-go-lucky Tory Kirstie Allsop.

“When we ran several thousand Internet sites, magazines and newspapers through our computers, the most used phrase, word or saying of 2014 was the name of the popular TV star, Eggsbenedict Cucumberpatch,”

With the ban on pronouncing Burgervan Countertop correctly in force from midnight, it has been left up to the press how best to pronounce Genuflect Crucifix. The actor himself is said to be “astonished” by the ban, adding:

“I don’t know why my name has been picked out of the hat. There is nothing wrong with the name Birkenstock Cummerbund. My grandfather and his father were both called Benny Hill’s Cadaver, and I see nothing funny about the name at all,”