movie – The Beezly Street Gazette

Whaaaambulance dispatched For Boycotters Of Mad Max Movie

A big pink ‘Whaaaaaaambulance’ has been dispatched for Cockwombling Bumblecunts the world over, that are acting like One Direction fans on shark week. The outpouring of emotion on social media came in response to the idea of a female oriented ‘Mad Max’ instalment.

Claiming that “girls aren’t allowed in the apocalypse” and that action movies are “boys only, because putting girls or kissing in it is sissy”, some men are claiming that the idea of a woman running around putting bullets in people’s heads and slapping them silly in a fictional situation dreamed up by Hollywood, and in a completely unrealistic way, is unrealistic.

A very huffy man from Manchester, UK blustered:

“This is total nonsense, and clearly Hollywood is only interested in promoting a female agenda. So I don’t think that girls would be any good in an apocalypse. They should be at home, making sandwiches,”

Threats to boycott ‘Mad Max’ screenings are as yet failing to counterbalance the enormous publicity generated on social media by men whining about how oppressed they are, by being treated to a really fit actress running about with a gun in a multi-million dollar movie.

“Cor, that sounds brilliant!” said a movie fan from Milton Keynes.

“I didn’t know about the movie until I saw some bloke moaning about it on Facebook. Charlize Theron’s a cracking actress, and it’s got that fit knicker model in it too. And guns. And it’s had great reviewson Rotten Tomatoes. If the Feminazi agenda means I get to see Rosie Huntington Thingymabob jumping about on a tank, I’m all for it. Where do I sign up?”

Porn Star Outed As Ukip Candidate

“I’ll never be able to look at his wrinkly old balls bouncing back and forth in the same way again,”

The words of one former fan of veteran porn baron Johnny Rockard from Bristol, after was outed as ‘John Langley’, parliamentary candidate for Ukip.

“It just makes me feel so dirty,”

Said another fan on Twitter.

After it was revealed that porn star Jonny Rockard was in fact Ukip parliamentary candidate ‘John Langley’, a senior porn official has stated that the industry is “proud” to represent people, whatever they do in their private lives – but that Rockard’s other career might compromise his movies.

“After all, we make a living sticking things up people’s bottoms, and we’re as diverse and bisexual as they cum, so we’re not really in a position to judge anyone. Unlike Ukip, we’re accepting of everybody. We’re very disappointed in Johnny, as this is all a bit distasteful and sordid. He’s going to have to have a long, hard, throbbing think about his future in this industry,”

Popular porn actress Busty McGuire has hit out at the revelation, saying she is “disgusted” and calling for his resignation from the grot industry, saying:

“This is entirely inappropriate, and I think he should resign. Porn is truly one of the most diverse, supportive and accepting industries. We all understand what it’s like to be the targets of discrimination and hate because of who we are, and I am just appalled that somebody within our ranks has turned out to be a dirty old Ukipper,”