Plans to re-plant areas of London previously cleared of trees, so that twats can sit in the sunshine listing to their I-Pods are already going ahead, after a new invention that allows trees to boost Wifi and mobile telephone signal was tested in the UK.
“Do twats give off a WiFi signal? No they don’t. You don’t get seven or eight tourists crowding around a twat, waving their Samsung Apple Thingymajig about and looking distraught. They’re a complete waste of space and a drain on the environment,”
Said an environmental technology expert.
The technology to enable trees to boost WiFi signals, which will be implanted into all UK tree seeds from 2018, will turn each tree into a sort of aerial for mobile technology. The company that developed the technology said:
“Trees are really the lungs of the planet, as well as being a vital part of the ecosystem of well, everywhere, from a back garden to a vast rainforest. But people keep cutting them down and setting fire to them. Or worse, turning them into those horrible, basic LACK tables from IKEA that cost seven quid. Nobody treats trees with any respect. But they totally would if they gave off WiFi.
The Beezly Street Gazette 