local news – The Beezly Street Gazette

Badger Baiter Badgered By Belligerent Badger Boar

A lifelong member of the Barnsley Brotherhood of Badger Baiters has been badgered by an angry badger, on his way home from a briefing on Brockbait road in Badgergate.

Brian Bajour, 44 described the badger as a “Bloody belligerent, a big boar badger with great big balls,”

A Badgerfit of the badger that bothered Brian Bajour on Brockbait road in Badgergate.

He went on to describe how it began to badger him at the beginning of Brockbait road, and continued to bother him until he reached Badger avenue.

“This badger wouldn’t bugger off. I was beleaguered by the bothersome badger until I backed off & hoped it would bedevil some other bugger,”

Any residents of Badgergate badgered by bothersome badger boars are urged to call Badgerstoppers, or speak to anyone wearing a BadgerWatch Badge.

Cheadle Post Office Worker’s Rude Nervous Tic

Semi-retired Post Office worker Gladys Oatcake has an unusual affliction. The normally healthy 63 year old from Cheadle can’t stop saying “Right In The Bumhole”, sometimes adding the words “Sugar Tits,” and a wink.

“It all started when I watched an episode of The Inbetweeners with my grandchildren. Well, I couldn’t stop chuckling at the cheeky chappies on the screen. And now I just can’t stop saying “Right in the bumhole,” every few minutes. It’s caused a lot of problems. I don’t know where the ‘Sugar Tits’ bit came from though. The vicar popped in to post an Ebay parcel the other day, and he asked me about my health. I told him “Right in the bum hole, sugar tits,” and he was quite taken aback.

She added:

“I was ever so embarrassed, but the two teenagers behind him thought it was hilarious,”

The Post Office where Gladys works initially sent her home, after an elderly gentleman asked her where the birthday cards were, and she mistakenly informed him that they were in her bum hole. But as her condition is a medical one, staff have had to work around the problem. The manager of the Post Office has created a sign on Gladys’s window that reads “Please do not be alarmed if called ‘Sugar Tits’ by this cashier.

“Well, word got around that the nice old lady at the Post Office in Cheadle kept talking about bumholes and calling people ‘Sugar Tits’ and winking at them, and by the second day the queue was round the block. We’ve sold more stamps this past week than we do in December,”

Said the manager.

Glady’s GP believes that it is a nervous tic that will settle down in time, and has warned her against watching any more episodes of the Inbetweeners.

“He told me to watch Miranda instead, as there’s nothing funny enough to turn into a nervous tic. Right in the bumhole, sugar tits!”