The Queen of England briefly turned into a large lizard on Wednesday afternoon.
The shapeshifting incident happened in France, in full view of 2 camera crews, members of the military, and the entire staff and pupils of a French primary school during a state visit.
According to eyewitnesses, Her Majesty appeared to ‘flicker like a knackered telly’ for a few seconds, before her hat fell off and she turned into an eight foot reptile with beady little eyes.
“She, well, it, just stood there, sniffing the air for a few seconds. We weren’t sure what the protocol was, and it seemed impolite to run away,” said the head of security for the event. “We believe that Her Majesty had missed breakfast that morning, causing an uncharacteristic shift into her natural form of an 8 foot, baby-eating reptile,”
Said one of the teachers, visibly shaken by the incident. Her Majesty the Queen then opened her gaping, toothy maw to reveal a long, red tongue with a slit at the end. The Queen’s lizard tongue then snaked towards a parent of one of the children, who was holding a new born baby girl.
“I looked into the empty, beady eyes of death, and realised that the Queen was tasting my baby, and possibly planned to eat it. I stayed very calm and said “No Ma’am, I’m afraid you cannot eat my baby,” and curtseyed as hard as I could,”
It was then that the Queen appeared to flicker again, and shape-shifted back into her human form. A footman retrieved her hat, and the Queen happily posed for photographs of the school’s new media wing.
The Beezly Street Gazette 