The English Defence League have announced plans to shift their annual march through the town of Brighton to Blackpool, because they keep getting the shit kicked out of them by pissed-off Brightonians, including built-like-a-1920’s-shithouse gay guys, and super pissed-off lesbians.
Brighton has been a favourite venue for EDL marches in the past, because of its liberal and tolerant attitude, police that understand how to deal with idiots, and because it’s pretty middle-class, and it’s unlikely anyone’s going to get incinerated with a home-made petrol bomb for a giggle. Notorious pussises the EDL are so unpopular and hated, they need police protection whenever they march, and have been chased out of several cities by ordinary members of the public.
“I don’t get it. Muslamics want to execute all gays. I don’t understand why queers keep punching us in the face,”
Said a protester.
But even with heavy police protection including steel barriers, police officers on horseback and riot gear, it has become impossible to prevent drunken EDL march participants from being punched in the gob on the streets of Brighton, usually known for its extremely tolerant attitude.
“We’re moving the march to Blackpool this year. I’ve heard that people are much more bigoted and set in their ways up north, and might not throw human excrement at us. I’ve heard they burn gays at the stake up north, so we might not get beaten up this time,”
Said the protester, picking the lint from his balaclava.
“I’ve worn this on every march, and every time I’ve been kicked in the ghoolies by an angry lesbian. You would have thought these people would have learned by now that we just want to preserve our precious way of life. I’m hoping this is the year that my gonads go unscathed,”
The Beezly Street Gazette 