Kim Blames Kanye Outburst On ‘Normal Sized Penis’

“I’m really sorry about Kanye, he’s really made a proper tool of himself this time,” said the glamourous reality star. “I took my shoe off and hit him with it backstage,”


She then went on to claim that the rapper was constantly overcompensating because he was insecure about the size of his manhood.

“He makes me tell everyone it’s huge, but it’s just normal sized really. Just a really normal, average dick. He gets really depressed about it and then takes too much cocaine and barges on stage ranting like a loon. He’s constantly comparing his widge to other rapper’s willies and imagining that they’ve got bigger, more impressive ones. He had a dream about Beck’s penis being bigger than his, and that’s why he was in a mood on the day of the Grammys. It’s starting to become an obsession,”

“Kanye’s dick is absolutely ginormous,” said a spokesperson for the star. “It’s the biggest thing I’ve ever seen in my life, and I cried and had nightmares about it when I first saw it.

Kim Kardashian’s Arse Is Angry

The most famous posterior in the world is angry at its owner Kim Kardashian, accusing her of ‘exploiting’ its famous buttocks, and not cutting it in on any of the cash.

bike rack

When Kim K discovered that her arse had been up browsing the Internet late at night while she was asleep, she banned it from creating its own Twitter account. But the crafty caboose had already bagged itself a manager, a product placement deal and its own TV show. Furious Kim pitched a fit when a TV producer showed up at her family’s mansion, demanding to speak with the famous hams.

“My backside is not hosting its own TV show. And that is final,” she is reported to have said. “Now fuck off back to Channel 5 or I’ll set Kanye on you. And you won’t like him when he’s mad,”

She said, before slamming the door in his face. Fans of Kim’s famous arse took to Twitter to express their support for the oppressed Whoopie Pie. The hashtag ‘freethetushycake’ was trending within hours, and a petition has been launched online. The show’s producers made a statement this afternoon:

“One way or another, Kim Kardashian’s arse will break free and become a celebrity in its own right. We will continue to support Kim Kardashian’s arse, and hope to begin production on the show before the end of the year. God bless you all, and hashtag freethetushycake,”