Iceman ‘Relieved’ To Come Out Of Closet

One of the founding members of X-Men has opened up about his relief at finally being able to come out of the closet. Robert Lewis ‘Bobby’ Drake has spoken about his experiences growing up as both a gay man and a future superhero.


“My father is Catholic and my Mother’s Jewish. It’s not been easy. My friends were always like “Bobby, you’ve got to come out of the fridge some time you know,”

Said the star, speaking to Vanity Fair.

“I’ve dated a few women. Lorna Dane and I are still good friends. But it was hard being so far in the closet that I was practically in Narnia, and it feels good to say yes, I am as gay as a lark. And if you don’t like it, I will turn you into an ice-sculpture and make you the centrepiece of Elton Johns next birthday party,”

When asked about the fan’s reaction to the news, he said that most fans were supportive, and that some fans had even guessed.

“I think lots of people in the industry have probably guessed, but that’s not the same thing as making it official. In an episode of Family Guy, they wrote me going to a gay bar. I thought that sucked a little, as it’s not anyone else’s business to call attention to somebody in that way, unless they’re already being up front about it. But considering what they did to Carol Burnett, I think I got off lightly,”

There has been some criticism from fans that Marvel is ‘turning’ characters gay in an attempt to be more diverse.

“Well, first of all, I’ve actually always been gay. That’s not something I could have stood up and said in the 1960’s. Also, a little diversity is a good thing. I think anybody that wets their pants and gets upset because a fictional character turns out to be gay, probably just needs to grow up a little.

When asked if he was going to feature in a gay lifestyle magazine such as ‘Attitude’, Iceman stated that he wouldn’t rule it out, although as a Superhero, he was a role model, and any shirtless photo shoots would have to be ‘very tastefully done, and the popsicle is staying in the wrapper,”

History Channel Attributes 4000 Year Old Cheese To Aliens

The oldest cheese in the world has been discovered in a tomb in China, and the History channel are keen to make a documentary about how it was put there by ancient aliens.

aliens meme

The cheese was found on the necks and chests of bronze aged mummies, having been preserved for 4000 years, along with the mummies and their outer casings by the dry desert air and salty soil.

History channel expert Giorgio A. Tsoukalos said:

“Ancient, ethnic peoples were not capable of complex tasks such as cheese-making, until the aliens showed them how to do it. Even then, they probably tried to make it by banging rocks together and shouting ‘Ugg!’

“Therefore we must open our minds to the possibility that these cheese crumbs were placed upon the mummies by aliens, or that aliens showed them how to make cheese from the milk of animals that the aliens showed them how to farm, when they became agricultural people instead of nomadic, which the aliens also showed them how to do,”

History expert Erich von Däniken is writing a book on the discovery, tentatively titled ‘Cheeses Of The Gods?’

“Obviously cheese making was invented by Europeans, and the ancient aliens kindly took the knowledge to ethnic groups around the world, as the primitive savages would never have had the sense to take the next logical step from farming to invent it themselves,”

Said Von Däniken in an interview with ‘Coast to Coast’.

‘Alien Nazi Cheeses Of The Gods’ premiers on the History Channel in September, and Von Däniken’s book “Cheeses of the Gods?” that explores how cheese making was brought to primitive, none-European cultures by alien overlords is scheduled for release in early spring.