Charlotte Church Threatens To Beat Prime Minister To Death With Katie Hopkins’s Arm

Welsh songstress Charlotte Church, who recently challenged Sun columnist Katie Hopkins to a charity boxing match, has now gone proper ape-shit and threatened to pull off Katie’s arm and chase the Prime Minister around Westminster with it.

“After I challenged her to a boxing match, I had a cup of tea and fag and thought about it. And then I realised I had to at least pull one of her arms off and beat Cameron to death with the sticky end,”

Said the singer, who shot to fame as an angelic classical singer.

“So I’m going to bang her lights out and then rip her bloody arms off, the moaning old Tory troll,”

“And when I’ve finished with her, I’m going to mash that smug prick Cameron in the face with the bloody end. That’ll teach him to be a lying little spoon faced weasel-shagger,”

The match is expected to raise nine trillion pounds for charity.

David Cameron ‘Technically Not A C***’ Claims Leading Academic

Calling Prime Minister David Cameron an extremely rude word for a lady’s personal area on Twitter has been a national pastime for the last 5 Years.

 david cameron

But a leading academic has pointed out that Cameron lacks both the depth and the warmth to accurately be described as a c****.

“Of course, the dissimilarity doesn’t end there. There are lots of occasions where you would be delighted to see a real life c****, which isn’t the case with David Cameron.

“Many men and some ladies rather like c****s, and even people that aren’t overly fond of them definitely appreciate their usefulness. Which is again, something you can’t really say about the Prime Minister.

He then suggested re-claiming the word c***, as it was starting to “become ruined” by being associated with David Cameron.

“How about we all start calling him a ‘shape-shifting horse-f*****’, like somebody recently did on Twitter?”