It used to be a devastating insult for a woman. But a growing number of women are embracing ‘Being A Bitch’ as a lifestyle.
“This is worrying trend, that shows no signs of slowing down,” said Doctor Tinder. “By 2017, up to 60% of women could identify as bitches, and sales of stupid magazines about how to be thin on a diet of cupcakes and penises will be none existent,”
Up to 80% of so called ‘bitches’ claim that they are just sick and tired of men and their stupid pointless willies.
“I’m just fucking sick of them, to be perfectly honest. Said Sophie Seymour, author of “Aw Fuck It, I Just Can’t Be Sodding Arsed With Being Nice To Men Any More,”
“It’s bloody God that gets me,” said former church goer Valerie Nice.
“Oh God made the world. With his fucking enormous dick, most probably. Blah-dee-fucking blah. Look at my amazing gold-plated dick, I’m going to make dinosaurs appear. Look at me, I just created a mongoose with my amazing dick. Wha wha wha, isn’t football brilliant. Here, have some murder, inequality and death. Have you seen the cricket scores? I’m God I am. Isn’t my dick amazing,”
I’ve been messed about by men pretty much all of my adult life,” added retired hairdresser Maureen Sloppard. “I just can’t be fucking twatted with them any more. If I’ve got a face like a slapped arse, my hair scraped back in a scrunchie I found down the back of the settee, and I don’t care that my backside is the size of a 1980’s Volvo, that’s their fucking lookout, not mine. Sorry I spoiled your day by walking down the bastard street without looking pleasant and harmless. Call Doctor Give A Fuck, because I’m not interested,”
“We told you this would happen!” screeched hysterical Men’s Rights Activists. “I don’t want my children to live in a world where women we don’t know just swan around not giving a shit whether we like them or not, or even bothering to put some lippy on before they go to the shops,”
“Kiss my arse,” said Maureen Sloppard, cutting herself a huge slice of carrot cake and pouring herself a pint mug of wine. “Kiss my big fat bitchy arse,”
The Beezly Street Gazette 