A new invention that punches people in the face on your behalf could hit the shelves as early as November.
Designed to be used on exes, traffic wardens, people whose dogs poo on your driveway every day and celebrities like James Blunt, the device uses facial & voice recognition technology, GPS and a boxing glove on a spring to administer a satisfying smack in the gob to the idiot of your choosing.
Designed to be activated by Smartphone, the device sits harmlessly in the garage next to the broken Hoover, until it receives a punch in the face order from its owner.
Once activated, it trundles clumsily out onto the street & makes it’s way to the address of the target.
With a top speed of 4 miles an hour, it can latch onto busses and other large vehicles for a speedier journey.
Upon arrival at the target’s home, it trundles up the path, whereupon a small stick emerges from the front of the device and raps smartly upon the door.
If the door is opened by the target, the boxing glove is activated and twats them in the gob. This is relayed back to the owner by a small camera mounted inside the glove.
If opened by another member of the public, the device will conceal itself in the bushes and wait for them to leave or enter the property.
When the mission is complete, the device will trundle grumpily home mumbling “Two thousand dollars worth of futuristic technology, and I all I ever do is punch people in the face,” and park itself in the garage.
The Beezly Street Gazette 