One of the unspoken perks of being an MP is the huge range of sexual deviancy on offer, thanks to the almost unlimited ‘expenses’ that MPs may claim, for everything from Hobnob biscuits to ‘massages’ from triple-titted, gold plated porn stars. But MPs have been warned that they may have their perverted perks penalized, if they indulge in too many athletic, all night orgies with prostitutes and rent boys.
The watchdog that monitors MPs expenses made the recommendation, after it was clear that many MPs were falling asleep in the House of Commons, after staying up all night for a ‘Busty Massage’ from four stunning Eastern European strumpets, or from being unable to sit down after a vigorous bumming from a part time swimming instructor named Sergio (real name Gordon), who likes to dress as a strict school marm.
“This is money taken straight from the taxpayer’s purse, that ends up tucked into the frilly knickers of various gigolos, tarts and dominatrixes. It is essential that such activities do not impact the ability of MPs to just about stay awake after a long, boozy lunch at the taxpayer’s expense, or being able to sit down on the comfortable green benches without fear of further rectal damage. Therefore we recommend a maximum of 3 orgies a week,”
Said a report by the watchdog committee.
The Beezly Street Gazette 