depression – The Beezly Street Gazette

Up to 50% of male dogs sometimes get a bit upset about having no balls, a new study has shown.

When questioned, 21% of dogs said yes, now that you come to mention it, I do miss my balls. 9% felt sad about it from time to time, but both sticks and the smell of bacon cheered them up, and a staggering 40% believe that they could have prevented being neutered by being a ‘good boy’.

20% of dogs admitted to mildly missing them “when they had a bit of a lick and a grunt about down there, and remembered that they were missing”.

7 year old Shep from Worksop said:

“I used to have a magnificent pair of balls. I’m brown and white, so one of them was nearly all white and one was nearly all brown. They were amazing.

“I wasn’t any trouble when I had a big old pair of giggleberrys. In fact, I was full of life, vitality and everything you see in the Pedigree Chum adverts. Then one day I went for a ride in the car, met a nice man with a stethoscope around his neck and woke up wearing the Cone of Shame. I’ve been a bit depressed about it to be honest. In between being ridiculous happy because I found a stick, and overjoyed to the point of spontaneous combustion when my owner comes home from work.

“I sometimes sit there staring into space, thinking about my balls. I wonder where they are now, and if they’re happy. Then my owner asks me if I’m a good boy. I think to myself, if that’s what you do to good boys, what on earth do you do to naughty ones?”

‘No No No You Haven’t Measured It Properly’ Say Men In Penis Size Study

Scientists have measured 15000 male appendages from all over the world to determine the average size. But almost every man in the study is complaining that they weren’t measured accurately enough.

“By my measurements, it’s actually 4.8.3 inches, or exactly mid way between the 6 button and the 9 button on the TV remote control. And to be fair, it was quite nippy in that room,”

Said a man from Manchester that took part in the study.

The BJU International journal of urology insists that all measurements were accurately taken and double-checked by scientists.

“Nah,” said a man from Dublin. “It was having an off day. I must have been dehydrated or something. And it was snowing outside, and I was wearing unusually thin trousers that day. I want to go back and get it measured again,”

“Male appendages are very much much of a muchness,” said a doctor in the study. “It’s unusual to get an especially large or small one, but men can worry about the size a great deal. We created a graph to show actual sizes of real, ordinary men, to reassure anyone that’s worried about the size,”

“Well I’m not worried about the size,” said a man from South America. “Why would I worry? I’ve never had any complaints. The scientist was probably freaked out by the size of it, and that’s why the measurement was off. It’s at least three quarters of a centimetre bigger than that. It’s winter too, and the tape measure was cold,”