“We’ve Got Enough Food Now Thanks’ Say GMO Protesters

The genetic modification of crops has been deemed unnecessary by the government following a report from people that don’t approve of white-coated witchcraft, and claims that everybody now has enough food.

A poster for the movie 'Return Of The Killer Tomatoes' - a bleak, dystopian GMO thriller.

A poster for the movie ‘Return Of The Killer Tomatoes’ – a bleak, dystopian GMO thriller.

“I’m a mother, and I’m happy with the organic selection on offer at my local supermarket,”

Said Linda Smug, an armchair nutritionist from London, who has an O Level in biology and runs an online forum for people that don’t like the idea of GMO food.

“I certainly don’t want to walk into Tesco and see tomatoes dancing around on legs, or bananas gasping for air on the floor, because they’ve been crossed with rainbow trout. We’ve got enough food now, and those companies are just being greedy,”

When it was pointed out that crops have been genetically modified by farmers for thousands of years, producing the oversized fruits and plump grains that we think of as normal today, Linda said:

“Harrumph! But would you eat a burger made from the offspring of a goat and a shark?”

And ran off crying.

Despite climate change playing havoc with ecosystems and crops in many countries, leading to mass starvation, illness and death of millions of people worldwide, protesters insist that GMO crops are part of a government plot to kill millions of people by feeding them food.

Martin Quinoa, who writes for health website Natural News said:

“It’s well known that Monsanto are in bed with Big Pharma, and that they want to wipe most of the population out. Mostly not us though, just people in other countries that can’t afford the latest Apple technology. Anyway, we’ve got more than enough food now, and we don’t want any new types. Everybody should just stop messing about with it,”

Free Dancing Mouse With Tesco Deliveries

Tesco has announced plans to roll out its ‘Free Dancing Mouse’ scheme, with every home delivery order.


This means that every household that has their groceries delivered, will be treated to a specially trained mouse in a sparkly leotard and two little tap shoes, performing a range of tap performances to old time classics and modern pop songs.

“We trialed this scheme in Clacton, and received a lot of positive feedback. We’re happy to announce that a free dancing mouse will be included in every delivery.

Of course, we do reserve the right to substitute another performing animal if no mice are available, such as a snake that makes balloon animal, or a dog that plays the guitar,”

Said a spokesperson for Tesco.

Customers in Clacton were delighted to receive the dancing mouse, claiming:

“It was just so fast. It’s the last thing you expect with a delivery,”