The BBC have issued a public service announcement, to reassure viewers that they are not systematically culling presenters and journalists that put them in a sticky spot over allegations of child abuse and corruption. This is the statement in full.
“This is a public service announcement by the BBC. Please do not be alarmed at the alarming rate that celebrities, TV presenters and journalists are being downgraded or dying in mysterious circumstances. It is all merely a coincidence, and there is nothing to worry about.
Of course we’re not demoting or forcing out the whistleblowers that exposed the whole scandal, that doesn’t actually exist because it’s not true. This is the BBC, not the CIA. You’ll be accusing us of knocking off Tupac next. It’s all very silly.
The deaths of meddling busybody Jill Dando was down to a nut-nut, and it could happen to anyone, so make sure you don’t answer the door to strangers.
The daughter of right-on celebrity mouthpiece Peaches Geldof, that coincidentally started Tweeting the names of child abusers was down to drugs, and everybody knows you die from drugs if you take drugs.
Unpredictable comedian and family man Rik Mayall, who worked alongside many celebs suspected of involvement with the completely fiction paedophile ring operating at the highest levels of government and the media, died unexpectedly of a dodgy ticker, and that’s all there is to it.
We’re doing a new series of The Great British Bake-Off soon, featuring anyone still standing after Operation Yewtree is all cleared up, with celebrity host Cliff Richard, so stay tuned for that. And remember, we know where you live because we’ve got special listening vans, so best not chit-chat too much about this whole nasty business near your TV, because you never know if they’re listening,”
The Beezly Street Gazette 