A new study suggests that controversial media mouthpiece Katie Hopkins is a reincarnation of the 17th century ‘Witchfinder General’ Matthew Hopkins.
The Sun newspaper columnist is believed to be a direct descendant and true reincarnation of the 17th century vicar, responsible for a reign of terror and torture against people accused of being witches.
“The clues are all there,”
Said the scientist that carried out the study.
“It’s obvious that some evil, occult force is at work here, and that the Hopkins known as Katie is a mere vessel for the unquiet spirit of the ‘Witchfinder General’. Back in those days, the government whipped up fear about warlocks and magic, and that allowed the medieval Hopkins to make up loads of stupid shit about witches, and get away with being a gigantic bastard. They didn’t have Twitter or the Geneva Convention in those days of course, so they just tortured and murdered innocent people instead of writing nasty things in some sensationalist rag of a tabloid,”
Hopkins recently described immigrants fleeing brutal regimes as ‘cockroaches’, promoting a police investigation.
“If you look at Matthew Hopkins’s biting satire against the Puritans, all the bollocks he made up about witches, and then at Katie Hopkins’s mealy-mouthed Tweets and moany newspaper column, it’s very probable that Mathew Hopkins has returned from hell to walk amongst us once more,”
The study concluded that the only way to confirm this theory 100% would be to extract a confession by dunking Katie Hopkins in water to see if she floats.
The Beezly Street Gazette 