Saint Patrick Advises Protesters Not To Marry Gays

Patron saint of Ireland Saint Patrick has advised Irish people that aren’t gay to avoid marrying people of the same sex “to prevent any awkwardness and suchlike”.

saint patrick

Speaking in a disembodied voice from a patch of shamrocks near the reputed burial place of the visionary missionary, Saint Patrick advised the population that the referendum mostly wouldn’t affect them at all unless they were gay, in which case it would be “brilliant”.

“There’s a lot of confusion about this issue, and people are worried that it’s the slippery slope to marrying goats, upsetting baby Jesus and floods. But if the people of Ireland take a few sensible precautions, lads that don’t want to marry a fella should be able to avoid any problems with the proposed change in the law. The same goes for girls,”

Said the ghostly voice of the legendary holy man.

“There’s absolutely no need for anyone to get their knickers in a twist. Baby Jesus is fine about it, and just wants everyone to love each other and all that. And let’s face it, it’s a great excuse for a knees-up,”

Westboro Baptist Church To Picket Thomas the Tank Engine

In response to a viral video showing cybergoths dancing to the theme tune of popular children’s animation ‘Thomas the Tank Engine’, The Westboro Baptist Church has released a statement to the press, in which they outline their plans to picket Thomas the Tank Engine.


The protest will take place in Yorkshire, at an official ‘Day Out With Thomas’ event.

Here is the statement in full:


The WBC plan to picket fag whore leader of sodomite dancing orgy Thomas the Sin Engine at a ‘Day Out With Thomas’ event at Kirklees Light Railway in West Yorkshire.

God has witnessed the depraved orgy led by devil-worshipping turds in their satanic slut-suits. These hell-bound sodomites are beyond redemption, and we can’t wait for them to die screaming, abandoned by God. Where’s your fat controller now, fag-lords?

“The whoremonger Thomas will be lawfully picketed with signs reading a GOD HATES TRAINS, GOTHS SUCK BAT’S WILLIES and SODOMITE SHIT WEASELS.

“It is NOT OKAY to be a talking train with a catchy theme tune. We will picket the event, to inject a little truth and sanity into the irrational orgy of lies consuming this world. A world where darkly-dressed ‘Gothics’ (devil worshippers that hate God as much as He hates them) can perform lascivious, ungodly jigs to the music of a talking, fag-nazi train. AND IT GETS LOADS OF HITS ON YOUTUBE AND EVERYBODY LAUGHS. There will be plenty of time to laugh at this video in hell.”