Everybody apart from Scotland is required to smack themselves on the bottom with a slipper and send themselves to bed with no tea, after this year’s election results.
Mum of three Norma Jones said she had thrown the nice lasagne and bottle of wine she was keeping for Friday in the bin, and was planning on sending herself and her husband to bed at half past six with no Wifi or giggling.
Geography teacher Leonard Powell said “It’s not just everyone else I’ve let down. I’ve let myself down as well. I was going to pop to the pub tonight as it’s been a rough week, but I’m going to sit in my bedroom in the dark with no heating on and mark some homework by candlelight,”
Anybody caught out on the street after half past six this evening will be made to copy out David Cameron’s autobiography in their neatest handwriting, and then throw it in the bin.
The Beezly Street Gazette 