boycott – The Beezly Street Gazette

Whaaaambulance dispatched For Boycotters Of Mad Max Movie

A big pink ‘Whaaaaaaambulance’ has been dispatched for Cockwombling Bumblecunts the world over, that are acting like One Direction fans on shark week. The outpouring of emotion on social media came in response to the idea of a female oriented ‘Mad Max’ instalment.

Claiming that “girls aren’t allowed in the apocalypse” and that action movies are “boys only, because putting girls or kissing in it is sissy”, some men are claiming that the idea of a woman running around putting bullets in people’s heads and slapping them silly in a fictional situation dreamed up by Hollywood, and in a completely unrealistic way, is unrealistic.

A very huffy man from Manchester, UK blustered:

“This is total nonsense, and clearly Hollywood is only interested in promoting a female agenda. So I don’t think that girls would be any good in an apocalypse. They should be at home, making sandwiches,”

Threats to boycott ‘Mad Max’ screenings are as yet failing to counterbalance the enormous publicity generated on social media by men whining about how oppressed they are, by being treated to a really fit actress running about with a gun in a multi-million dollar movie.

“Cor, that sounds brilliant!” said a movie fan from Milton Keynes.

“I didn’t know about the movie until I saw some bloke moaning about it on Facebook. Charlize Theron’s a cracking actress, and it’s got that fit knicker model in it too. And guns. And it’s had great reviewson Rotten Tomatoes. If the Feminazi agenda means I get to see Rosie Huntington Thingymabob jumping about on a tank, I’m all for it. Where do I sign up?”

Dolce & Gabbana Slag Off Elton John’s Dog

Italian fashion duo Dolce & Gabbana recently upset Elton John by suggesting that IVF children were somehow inferior and ‘made of chemicals’.

Now the wacky pair have turned their attention to Elton’s cocker spaniel Arthur.

“He’s a crap dog! Simply crap!” said Domenico Dolce during an extraordinary rant, during which he accused Arthur of not being able to bury bones properly, and for chasing his tail for hours on end, because he was “too stupid” to realise he was chasing his own behind.

“He would be destroyed at Crufts. He is worthless. People only like him because he is Elton’s dog. If you saw that dog on the street, you would kick it. He is worthless and shit. He should be made into sausages and fed to a superior dog,”

Victoria Beckham took a swipe at the design due on Twitter.

“We is not mates any more. Stop being mean about Arthur he is a nice dog,”

Cocker spaniel Arthur John said:

“This is all extremely distasteful to both purebred and mongrel dogs, and those remarks were thoughtless and weird. They used to be good friends of Elton’s, but I think they’ve been scratched off the Christmas card list now, the silly pair of twats,”