black – The Beezly Street Gazette

Twats Tweeting Twattily About Apple Watch On Twitter

Twats worldwide have been Tweeting twattilly on Twitter about their new Apple watches.

“Look at me, I’ve got a black and gold one!”

Tweeted a twat in Australia, proudly showing of his twatty new wristwear to his twat friends.

Twats on twat-playground Instagram that pre-ordered the Apple watch have been taking twatty pictures of themselves unboxing the twatty new technology, designed especially for twats.

Twattily using loads of hashtags to alert as many Instagram users as possible that they’re a massive twat with the technology to prove it, many twats opted for the particularly twatty #nofilter hashtag to tag selfies of them wearing the watch. This is twat shorthand for ‘I like, don’t need a flattering filter to make me good looking’ thus proving that they are twats.

A twat in the UK posted a picture of his arm showing the watch, a ‘casually placed’ expensive laptop in the background and an Armani cufflink on his twatty purple shirt. Other users snapped their watch synching with their I-Phone, as if this would somehow compensate for them being a twat, and some twat of a footballer even got invited to the Apple store to be personally shown how to set up the twatty piece of arm equipment.

23 delusional twats in Sydney, Australia spent several hours of their twatty lives that they’re never going to get back, fruitlessly queuing outside the Apple store to buy one. Unfortunately for these wannabe twats, the true twats tweeting twattily about their pre-ordered Twat-watches are going to have the last laugh. Twattily, probably.

Haunted ‘Colour Changing Dress Of Evil’ To Be Burned

The demonic body-con dress that has tricked the entire world with its evil sorcery, is to be burned in a special ceremony in London, its owner has said.

“I bought it from an old, toothless gypsy woman that turned up on my doorstep at midnight and told me she’d had a vision of me wearing it at a wedding, and terrible things would happen if I didn’t,”

Said the mother of the bride.

“I didn’t think anything odd at the time. But when I tried the dress on, I immediately heard demonic chanting, and saw Satan’s little imps jumping around in the bedroom mirror. I just put it down to indigestion because my Spanx were too tight,”

But things took a turn for the sinister on the day of the wedding, when she was complimented on the colour of the dress.

“I could have sworn it was blue. But some nasty old bat on the husband’s side of the family tutted at me and mumbled something about only brides wearing white to a wedding. I couldn’t understand what she was on about. I got a couple of funny looks on the day, and somebody said the dress was a ‘very brave choice’ and that was a bit strange. Blue has always suited me. I got really paranoid and thought oh well, at least I like it even if nobody else does,”

After the controversy hit the Internet, it became clear that only sinners saw the dress as being blue, while the pure of heart and mind saw it as the angelic combination of white and gold.

“It’s clearly haunted, or cursed or something. So we’re having a special burning ceremony in Trafalgar Square on Saturday. We’re going to get a giant wicker woman and stuff it with fashion crimes from the last ten years, including ponchos, Ugg boots and tracksuits with words on the arse,”

Latest news just in – Everybody in entire world sick of hearing about the dress.