badger – The Beezly Street Gazette

Badger Baiter Badgered By Belligerent Badger Boar

A lifelong member of the Barnsley Brotherhood of Badger Baiters has been badgered by an angry badger, on his way home from a briefing on Brockbait road in Badgergate.

Brian Bajour, 44 described the badger as a “Bloody belligerent, a big boar badger with great big balls,”

A Badgerfit of the badger that bothered Brian Bajour on Brockbait road in Badgergate.

He went on to describe how it began to badger him at the beginning of Brockbait road, and continued to bother him until he reached Badger avenue.

“This badger wouldn’t bugger off. I was beleaguered by the bothersome badger until I backed off & hoped it would bedevil some other bugger,”

Any residents of Badgergate badgered by bothersome badger boars are urged to call Badgerstoppers, or speak to anyone wearing a BadgerWatch Badge.

Nigel Farage In ‘Death By PowerPoint’ Presentation

Nigel Farage held a party conference yesterday, to address a “serious, reoccurring issue,” that has been troubling the MP “for some time,”

“I find it disgraceful and morally reprehensible that my name is still being pronounced incorrectly,”

Said the Ukip leader. He followed up his opening address with a 3 hour PowerPoint presentation to ease the audience into each syllable. The presentation was described as “Death by PowerPoint” by the entire back row of the conference. Several intricate paper airplanes were left behind after the speech, and the hotel ran out of orange juice.

According to the Ukip leader, the public have been deliberately misinformed as to the pronunciation of the MP’s name, which is widely believed to rhyme with either pronunciation of the word “garage’.

Somewhat controversially Mr. Farage disagreed, citing an old Armenian version of the surname, which is said to mean “Unidentifiable label on top of an Indian takeaway box” and is traditionally pronounced, “badger”.

As the utterly defeated-looking MPs filed from the conference room like zombies, only one would comment anonymously:

“If it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck…”

He would not expand on his quote, and whether he was calling Nigel Farage a badger remains ambiguous.

Guest post by Roswell Ivory

https://roswellivory.wordpress.com/