Antonio Banderas To Study Being A Hipster

Hollywood star Antonio Banderas has revealed that he wants to be a London hipster, and hang around Camden nightclubs with a bored expression and an ironic hairdo.


The 54 year old star revealed plans to study fashion at Saint Martin’s college of art on the TV ‘Loose Women’.

An ex-graduate of Saint Martins, that now works in Laura Ashley as an interior designer explained exactly what this means.

“OMG it’s like the best time of your life. You get to say you’re at Saint Martins, which is kind of like being a rock star. As in, you feel like a rock star. Nobody else really cares, until you get to the second year, and then you’re like a rock star to the freshers, because you’ve perfected your sneer and bored expression. You get a certain haircut, whatever’s trendy that year, and then you laugh at people with the wrong haircuts in night clubs, or when you go to sneer at up & coming bands in the Camden area. Sometimes we used to walk through Shoreditch market in a group, all wearing skinny trousers and shades, and just sneering at everything because it was all so last year and like, shitty. It is just the best, and I can’t recommend it enough,”

It is likely that Antonio Banderas will grow a kind of impractical, floppy hairdo, or get extensions in time for the start of term. He will also have to learn how to exist on a diet of caffeine and ironic street food, so as to fit into his size 26 Topman jeans.

Our Hipster insider said:

“You can’t just eat normally when you’re at Saint Martins. Everything has to be bought from street vendors, whether they’re selling burgers and chips, or it’s an expensive pop up smoothie and sushi bar. You can’t be seen dead in Waitrose or Lidl, that’s like Hipster Death. Hipsters rarely cook, and when they do, they like, totally Instagram it,”

British Public Outraged At ISIS Art Murder

The British public are deeply annoyed about videos of ancient artefacts being smashed up.


“This whole nonsense has gone too far!”

Said Linda Monet, head curator at an expensive art gallery in London, in an uncharacteristic outburst.

“Fuck all the people being displaced and murdered, and robbed of their entire lives and homes and identities. These Luddite bastards bashed the head off of an ancient statue. I will be in therapy for weeks,”

Middle-class art fans are said to be in mourning for the ancient artefacts destroyed in the raids.

“I, for one, will never forget this art, and will hold a vigil for it on Shoreditch High Street for the next five years. I’m hoping to get funding for it,”

Said Suki Trustfund, head of ‘Anarchists For Art’

Youtube footage shows Islamic State Militants smashing up ancient statues that are worth billions of dollars.

“I have never been so sad,”

Said Linda Monet.

“Thousands of years worth of history, and implied ancient, ethnic wisdom that I am sort of in awe of and pretend to understand, simply smashed to pieces. This goes beyond any contemporary, human tragedy that is happening right now. This is an Art tragedy. I have started a campaign for a museum of the smashed treasures of Mousal. It’s probably going to be lottery funded.