The Conservative party has announced plans to introduce brand new blood sports to the UK to counter the perceived elitism of fox hunting. Prime Minister David Cameron said in a press conference:
“We have listened to the people, and what Britain really needs right now is the freedom to get one’s rocks off by torturing animals. That is why we are planning to introduce several new, legal types of blood sports to the UK as soon as possible,”
The sports confirmed so far are cat kicking, stag stabbing, rabbit raping, mole murdering and badger bumming.
The new sports will be completely legal, as long as they are properly organised, participants wear the correct equipment and there’s a bit of a piss up afterwards.
The Beezly Street Gazette 