A new study has shown that the sugar-encrusted breakfast cereal known as ‘Frosties’ are really just cornflakes for people that haven’t quite clicked on what being an adult involves.
A scientist that took part in the 12 month study found that over 18’s that regularly ate Frosties rather than boring cereals like cornflakes, wheat flakes or sugar-free muesli, were less uptight, and said “Oh shit!” approximately 71% more in their daily lives.
“We found that people that ate Frosties were more likely to forget things, go shopping for essential staples & return home with a new hat and a packet of biscuits instead, and smoke a big fat joint on a Friday evening instead of hitting the gym,”
Said the scientist. She maintained that Frostie eaters were able to perform all functions expected of a grown-up, but that sometimes they just forgot or couldn’t be arsed.
“People that eat sugar-free cereal, especially those that decorate their Weetabix with bits of banana and eat them with natural yogurt, are the type of fully functioning adult our parents and teachers hope we will grow up to be. You’ll find them in B&Q of a weekend, choosing new plants or shopping for light bulbs. Conversely, those that regularly eat Frosties haven’t quite faced the grim reality that they are now adults, and that the rest of their life is a quick yet monotonous hamster wheel that stops only for the Grim Reaper. Therefore, they are a lot more fun at parties,”
The Beezly Street Gazette 