Astute social commentator Dr Kylie Jenner has controversially claimed that “Chemtrails” – the contrails left behind by aircraft in the sky, are merely aeroplanes experiencing a spot of ‘rectal turbulence’.
Believed to be a mixture of Anthrax, Valium and the bones of unbaptized babies, chemtrails are designed to make us obedient to our lizard overlords, by people that have failed to notice just how big the bloody sky is. But the reality star thinks this is nonsense, and that chemtrails are “just the aeroplane trumping. Like, they eat jet engine fuel so they can fly about, and when they’ve digested it, they do a big long trump in the sky, and that is what chemtrails are,”
Dr Jenner is planning on doing a Ted Talk explaining the mechanism and implications of aircraft cracking one off in the sky.
“With the amount of aircraft in the sky, I’m really concerned that the sky could get quite smelly and full of ‘plane farts, and we might need to go up and spray some Febreeze about,”
Said the star, who modelled a tinfoil hat on a Paris runway earlier this spring.
The Beezly Street Gazette 