Facebook – The Beezly Street Gazette

Gigantic Stupid Cockwombles Tag Themselves Safe In Nepal Earthquake

Earthquakes can be terrifying and horrible, particularly if they happen on your street. Fortunately some complete and total cockwombles have found a way to lighten the mood, for those of us that haven’t have to climb out of a pile of rubble today.

Darren Brick, a massive tool from Milton Keynes tagged himself and his girlfriend while they were in the pub.

“We’ve never been to Nepal. We don’t even know where it is. All this depressing stuff on Facebook is annoying and I thought it would be funny,”

He said, drinking his douchey drink with his moronic face.

An expert in Cockwomblery from Oxford university said:

“Unfortunately, some people are just born cockwombles. It’s like they’ve been dropped on their heads as infants and then forced to watch endless re-runs of ‘Big Brother’ until they literally can’t form a sensitive response to something without turning into a shit comedian. I would feel sorry for them, if I didn’t think they needed a nice, relaxing swim in a piranha tank,”

Nobody Willing To Admit To Voting Tory

A post election poll shows that nobody in the UK appeared to vote for the conservative party, apart from a handful of posh old fruitcakes that don’t give a shit what people think, because they’re ancient and loaded.

The survey, conducted by a random sampling of Facebook user’s updates that contained the words “vote” or “election” reveals that users are unwilling to admit to voting Conservative, even if they did. The majority of posts mention the Labour party, followed by the Liberal Democrat and Green parties. Posts in support of the Conservative party are conspicuously absent.

It is thought that a combination of guilt for being a self-serving, greedy little bastard that doesn’t give a shit about anything apart from money, and the baying mobs gathering in several parts of the country are to blame. An alternative theory is that the election was rigged. But of course this only happens in countries run by corrupt, narcissistic despots