A 35 year old woman from Leeds, UK has married her Nutribullet blender, after owning it for three days.
“I’ve never felt so fulfilled,”
Said the woman, after ditching her smoothie maker and juicer for the swanky ‘Magic Bullet’ blender that can pulverize carrots and even nuts.
“I’m obsessed with it. I can’t stop putting different types of food into it and turning them into pulp, and running around the house with a glass of mango and spirulina smoothie forcing people to look at the texture of it and drink it. It’s like being a crack addict, but ten times more annoying,”
The bride’s best friend said:
“If she mentions that sodding blender one more time, I’m going to stick it up her (censored). She hasn’t shut up about liquidating carrots and beetroot since she took it out of the box, which she probably liquidised with a handful of collard greens and drank. But I’m glad she’s happy,”
During the short ceremony, the happy couple promise to “love, honor and puree” and were showered with rose petals, which the Magic Bullet promptly turned into a nutritious paste that can be added to soup.
The Beezly Street Gazette 
This is just stupid.
Will the blender ever offer a shoulder in comfort when the local fruit shop doubles the price of amalanchiers or Jostaberries.
I guarantee this lady will find herself awake late at night, switch on the TV and find herself lusting after some modern replacement for the superwhizznblend 4000.
I’ll give the marriage 18 months and hope this marriage doesnt produce offspring
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