A post election poll shows that nobody in the UK appeared to vote for the conservative party, apart from a handful of posh old fruitcakes that don’t give a shit what people think, because they’re ancient and loaded.
The survey, conducted by a random sampling of Facebook user’s updates that contained the words “vote” or “election” reveals that users are unwilling to admit to voting Conservative, even if they did. The majority of posts mention the Labour party, followed by the Liberal Democrat and Green parties. Posts in support of the Conservative party are conspicuously absent.
It is thought that a combination of guilt for being a self-serving, greedy little bastard that doesn’t give a shit about anything apart from money, and the baying mobs gathering in several parts of the country are to blame. An alternative theory is that the election was rigged. But of course this only happens in countries run by corrupt, narcissistic despots
The Beezly Street Gazette 
Well I sent my butler to vote for my local Conservatory candidate on my behalf. Imagine my disgust when he demanded payment and shouted “fuck you, I’m voting SNP”
I duly had him shot and hung in the shed with the pheasants and deer from the weekend’s shoot.
I of course have more important things to do than attend local town halls to vote, and like sex, have abstained for another 5 years .
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