Fulham Sinkhole Confirmed As Mouth Of Hades

The three foot wide crevice that opened up in front of a café on a Fulham street, swallowing several members of the public, has been confirmed as the mythical ‘Mouth Of Hades’ or entrance to the Underworld.

collapsed-pavement

Experts from the British Museum have confirmed that this is not the Christian ‘Hell’, so there is no danger of explosions, lava, fire or escaping imps roaming the streets of Fulham and affecting house prices.

“This is a more classical abode of the dead, and therefore rather more misty and gloomy. It existed long before the idea of heaven and hell, and even before London, which as we know is very old. This particular hole is located above the Fields of Asphodel, which is a sort of afterlife version of Stoke-on-Trent,”

Said the expert, adding that the hole is unlikely to be dangerous, but that anyone who fell all the way down it would be forbidden by the ancient god of death Hades himself from leaving.

The council have cordoned off the area, and are expected to fill it in with gravel over the weekend. The public are being discouraged from offering sacrifices to the hole, and from pushing each other towards it as a dare.

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